I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
