i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
