Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
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It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
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The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
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