What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
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