Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
