Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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