i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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