I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Randomize
