Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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