Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
