mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
