party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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