yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
