Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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