Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
