plz talk dirty to me
Small penises have feelings too.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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