Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Houston, we have a blender
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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