I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
