I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
