I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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