I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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