it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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