Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
