Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
