Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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