I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Randomize