It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Houston, we have a blender
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
