...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
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We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
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I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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