fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
