Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
