in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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