he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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