I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
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Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
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I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
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