I think I am morally bankrupt
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize