If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize