so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I see more hoeing in ur future
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