Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Randomize
