worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
