Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
