I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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