The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
