Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
They are going to name an STD after you.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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