Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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