I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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