; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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