I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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