my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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