It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
