Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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