Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
