she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
