If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
My bed smells like the plague
Randomize
