she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
