if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
