he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Randomize
