my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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