I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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