Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
