We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
People in love make me want to vomit
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
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