Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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