this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
