Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
